Diary of a Dying Girl
by ValentineRose28
Summary: What is it like to be dying? That, in itself should be hard enough. But what if you're dying when you're only 17? Worse yet, what if you're in love? Take a look into my world...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Hey y'all. This idea just popped into my head, and I decided to just go with it. If it seems a little morbid, it's because I've been feeling very sad lately. I don't know why, but this seems to be helping. Tell me what ya think…**

**Btw, it's No Wings, but the "flock" still knows each other. It's in diary form, but still a story. This is just an introduction.**

**Diary of a Dying Girl**

**Chapter 1**

Dear Diary,

Yeah, I called you diary. So what. It's not like anyone will ever know. Or at least, they had better not. If you're reading this, and you're not me, I'll find you and then murder you. And if you're reading this, and I'm dead, then who cares. Read away. That's including you Fang.

First, I'm going to introduce you to my friends.

Fang: 16, tall, black hair, black eyes, olive skin, silent personality. Incredibly sweet when he wants to be and tough as nails when he needs to be. Not to mention pretty damn cute (since no one will ever read this, I might as well be honest right?)

Iggy: 16, Tall, strawberry blond hair, pyro, light skin, blind, loves to cook (and can do it better than me) is secretly in love with my little sister Ella, but she doesn't know it (and she loves him too. She told me.)

Nudge: 15, Part African American part Mexican, tan skin, loves to talk, loves make up and fashion.

Ella: 15, my little sister, in love with one of my best friends, brown hair, Hispanic, brown eyes, best friends with Nudge, different Dad than me. Pregnant.

Gazzy (Joshua): 14, Iggy's little brother, same features as Iggy.

Angel: 10, My youngest sister, same dad as me, can be sweet as can be, but can also be a little devil. Curly honey blond hair and clear violet and blue swirled eyes.

And, last but not least, Me

I have curly honey blond hair and violet and blue swirled eyes like Angel, I'm 5 foot 6 inches tall and weigh 105 pounds. I like rainy days and playing the guitar. If I could spend all day I a pool, I would. My dad died 4 years ago in a car accident

Tomorrow I'm going down to the lake with everyone (everyone listed above) and my mom. We all own houses in Missouri in Lake of the Ozarks. So we own park of the lake. We're going Jet skiing and I'm super excited. I love jet skiing. It's almost like flying, especially when you hit a wave.

One thing I forgot to mention is that I'm originally from Tennessee. I like horses and cowboy boots. I have an accent. Just thought you should know.

I'm not good at this diary stuff. But my Mom wants me to do it, so I agreed.

Today was pretty boring. Went to school, went home, didn't do my homework. Only one good thing to look forward to, and that is that summer break is in 2 months. I can't wait, and neither can anyone else. Even the teachers are starting to get excited.

I have a secret to tell you. I like Fang. But he doesn't know. Anyways, he doesn't like me so it's a pointless crush. A girl can't help but dream though, right?

Oh well, all for now.

**A/N Horrible chapter, but it'll get better. The next chapter is where the action starts. Kind of. Just review, you'll see. And I'm sorry the chapters are going to be so short. But people don't usually write 8 pages every day in their diary. Well, I assume. I don't have a diary. My life isn't exciting enough. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Ok, the story should be better from here on out. (Hopefully) Enjoy the chapter. Or not. It's up to you really. *sigh* **

**I decided to change it and write it in story form, but still have it be a diary. **

**This one will be a couple entries on one. **

**Diary of a Dying Girl **

**Chapter 2**

**Saturday, March 1st**

Dear Diary,

It's Saturday. Today we're going down to the lake, so I slipped into my bathing suit, snarfed down a granola bar, and rode our little mule (it's like a golf cart) down to our dock. Fang, Gazzy and Iggy were already down there waiting for everyone to show up.

"Hey hot stuff" Iggy called when he hear my mule drive up. He could tell it was me because I'm the only one lazy enough to ride the thing to our dock even though it was only half a mile away from our house.

"Shut up Iggy." I laughed and slugged him in the shoulder.

"You ready to swim?" Gazzy asked. I shook my head.

"Nah, I'm going to sit out for a while. Y'all go ahead." he jumped up and ran off the edge of the dock before I had even finished talking. I rolled my eyes as Fang and Iggy joined him, making huge waves that lapped against the dock and made it rock.

"Y'all act like 10 year olds!" I twanged.

"And what's wrong with 10 year olds?" Angel yelled from behind me.

"Nothing sweets!" I said, then kissed her cheek.

"Hey, Max." Ella said. She came and laid down on o towel next to me.

"Max come get in with us!" Angel yelled from the water.

"Fine!" I jumped up and yanked my tank top over my head and took a step towards the water.

And fell!

"Ouch! Shit!" I said. I had slipped on the slippery wood and banged my shin on the edge of the dock. Which had made me fall into the water. (after I cursed, of course) And I came up spluttering and spitting gross lake water all over the place. I kicked my legs, even though my left one felt like it was on fire. Fang had gotten out of the water to laugh at me.

"Shut up Fang!" I yelled, then lifted my arms up so he could pull me out of the water. He gripped my slippery hands and haul me, dripping, from the water. I immediately sat down next to him to examine my shin. The bruise was already there, and it was horrible! I've never seen a bruise like that! It was huge and very dark.

"Whoa, that looks bad." Fang said, all laughter gone.

"I know. Why did it do that so fast?" he shrugged.

"Hey, guess what." I said, standing up. Fang stoop up too.

"What?" he asked

"You shouldn't have laughed at me." I said, then shoved him as hard as I could into the water. His arms pin wheeled and he fell into the lake with a hue splash.

"So there!" Ella laughed. I rolled my eyes and went to sit by her.

"Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. I brought lunch though!" Nudge said from behind us. I jumped up and ran over to grab the picnic blanket and spread it out on the wet dock…

So that was basically what happened today. Nothing really exciting. Anyways, talk to you tomorrow…diary. I feel like I'm talking to myself. Whatever…

Monday, March 10th

Dear Diary,

Haven't written in awhile, I know. Sorry. I think there might be something wrong with me. That bruise I got like, a week ago, won't go away. Maybe it's nothing. Hopefully, it's nothing.

Nudge's baby has a due-date! I'm so excited! She due in exactly 4 months, on July 10th! She's picked out a name for her too. Brianna. No middle name. Simple, but I like it.

I had an awful dream last night. It was about nothing in particular, but it was still scary. I don't even remember it all, I just remember waking up and thinking it was scary. Weird, I know.

Me and Ella snuck out yesterday. I got a tattoo on my ankle of my name written in vines. When we got home at midnight, our mother was waiting up and man was she pissed. And she saw the tattoo, so I'm grounded forever. Fang thought that was pretty hilarious. So I slapped him. And _I _thought _that_ was pretty hilarious.

"Hey, your mom said it's time for dinner." speak of the devil. Fang walked into my room, without knocking, to find me examining my leg again.

"Still not any better?" he asked. I shook my head. The bruise hadn't even faded in the slightest. In addition to the one on my shin, I had one on my lower back and collar bone. I don't know why, but I've been bruising very easily lately.

"you know, I've heard excessive bruising is a sign of…cancer." he said. I rolled my eyes and looked at him.

"I do not have cancer. I'm just a klutz!" I shoved his shoulder playfully and stood up.

"C'mon. Let's go eat." our families at together every Monday night, no matter what.

We left the room and went downstairs and had a perfectly normal evening. But I couldn't get the nagging thought out of my head that maybe Fang was right. Maybe I had cancer. It seemed ridiculous though. I couldn't have cancer! Could I?


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Hey, Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. My internet has been broken. (sad face) I'm totally going into Facebook withdrawal, lol. And sorry about the mistake in the last chapter. Ella is the one who is pregnant, and she's going to name the baby Felicia. **

**That is all.**

**Diary of a Dying Girl**

_Maybe I had cancer. It seemed ridiculous though. I couldn't have cancer! Could I?_

**Chapter 3**

**Skinny Dipping**

Wednesday, March 12th

Dear Diary,

My Mom saw the bruises on my back and leg and collar bone and said that if they don't go away by this weekend she's going to make me a doctor's appointment. Which will probably mean needles and such. Gross. I'm a little scared. I mean, it's probably nothing.

But what if it's something?

"Hey. What are you doing?" Nudge asked, coming into my room and sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Nothing. Just wondering what's up with my leg," I answered, then pointed at the ugly bruise on my shin. She winced sympathetically.

"Didn't you get that a couple weeks ago? Shouldn't it have at least faded by now?"

"Yeah, probably." I shrugged and tried to act like it wasn't bothering me. Even though it was.

"Come on, let's go to the dock. It's really warm out today. We can sit out and sunbathe until it gets dark, then we can swim." she smiled warmly and I had no choice but to say yes. Besides, swimming at night is fun. Especially skinny dipping. You're less likely to get caught then.

"Ok, let's go." I jumped up and grabbed my swim suit, towel, and goggles. We rode the mule down to the lake. I laid out my towel and laid down, letting the sun soak into my skin.

"Mmmmm, I love this. Have I ever told you how much I love your house?" Nudge asked, staring up at my house in the trees.

"Yes," I laughed, then rolled over and closed my eyes. The sun felt good on my closed eyelids. I guess I fell asleep, 'cause I don't really remember anything from that point.

"Maxie…wake up…" someone whispered in my ear tauntingly. I turned over and ignored them, trying to go back to sleep. They didn't say anything else. Good, I guess they went away.

I was wrong.

"OH MY GOD!" I shrieked as a bucket of ice-cold lake water fell onto my sun-warmed body. I jumped straight up and looked around wildly. Fang was holding an empty, dripping bucket and leaning over with one hand holding onto the blue slide. He was laughing really hard.

"Asshole!" I screeched. Goosebumps rose on my arms and the water dripping from my hair made little rivulets down my back and over my tan shoulders. My teeth chattered together, which made my death glare a little less intimidating.

"What are you going to do Maxie?" he laughed teasingly "You gonna hurt me?" I rolled my eyes and grabbed my slightly damp towel to dry off with. I held it to my face for a second until I was dry. Then I threw it down and looked at Fang through my eyelashes. He was still smiling, staring at me. He was so adorable, it was hard to stay mad. Not that I was going to tell him that.

He was standing precariously close to the edge of the dock with his foot hanging off completely. Hmmm….

I took a deep breath then ran at him and tackled him, sending us both soaring into the water. I heard Nudge shriek when the wave of water hit her before we were sucked under. I kicked both of my legs until I was at the surface. I looked around but I couldn't see Fang. Uh oh, I hope he's ok. I sank back into the water and opened my eyes and tried to find him under the water, but the water was kind of murky so it was hard to see. I surfaced again.

"Where is he?" Nudge asked. I shaded my eyes with one hand and looked up at her.

"I'm not su-" I was caught off abruptly as I felt a hand close around my ankle and pull me down. I closed my mouth before it could fill with water and opened my eyes to find Fang in front of me. I looked up and saw that we were pretty far from the surface. I looked back at him. He was smiling at me. I smiled back and looked around. My hair was floating around me in a golden halo, glowing from the rays of sun that filtered through the water. Fang reached out a hand and lightly touched a couple strands near my face. He pulled his hand away quickly and swam upward, leaving me down here wondering what the hell had just happened. My lungs felt like they were on fire from the lack of oxygen, so I kicked my way back to the surface and pulled myself out of the water, breathing hard. I laid right on the edge where I had landed when I got out.

"What the hell?" Nudge asked. "He got out of the water the got into the mule and drove away. What happened down there?"

"I'm asking myself the same thing." I peeled my soaked shirt off of my body then turned around and unhooked my bra so I could put my bathing suit top on.

"You gonna put you're bathing suit on too?" I asked Nudge. She nodded, so I turned around and slipped my shorts off and put the bikini bottoms on too. After I was done I jumped back into the lake without turning around to see if she was done. After she splashed in next to me, I knew it was alright to go back up.

"So what happened?" she asked again. I shifted so that I was floating on my back and she copied my position.

"Nothing. That's what I don't get. He just pulled me down really far under the water and we sat down there looking around. My hair was floating around my head and he reached out and ran his hand through a little part of it, then swam back up really fast and drove away." neither of us said anything for a while.

"You like him." she said simply. I sat up quickly and sank a little into the water so I had to spit out a mouthful of water. I choked and sputtered.

"W-what?" I asked, startled.

"You like Fang." she said again.

"I do not!"

"Do too!"

"Why do you think that?" I asked, turning away so she couldn't she the red blush staining my cheeks and neck.

"I can tell. The way you try to be angry at him sometimes but then you turn around smiling like you think it's so adorable. You wanna know something else?"

"No."

"I think he likes you too." she said anyways, ignoring me.

"Whatever. He does not." Nudge swam over to the ladder and got out of the lake. She picked up her towel and her sunglasses then shoved them into her bag.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I have homework. And it's already 5. Come on, I'll walk you back to your house." I got out and gathered my things and we made our way back to my house.

"Later." she called over her shoulder. I waved even though she couldn't see me.

"Hey Max." Ella said, taking in my wet hair and dripping swim suit. I smiled and kneeled in front of her, placing my hands on her swollen stomach.

"Hello baby Felicia. How are you? I bet it's all warm and safe and uncomplicated in there, isn't it?" I stood up and muttered "Lucky bastard."

"Hey, it's not her fault." Ella giggled, then rubbed her stomach. "It's mine."

"I know, I was just kidding. And it's not your fault either, it's his. See you later, I'm going upstairs." I walked up the stairs and entered my room, closing the door behind me. Since I had been rudely awakened by Fang (*sigh* so cute) I decided to lay down and take another nap. Then, when I wake up, I'm going skinny dipping, which is a lot more fun than it sounds.

I set the alarm on my cell phone for 8 o'clock pm then fell into my bed and let myself drift off into dream world.

My cell phone buzzed next to my ear and I sat up then clicked it off. I threw a clean, fluffy towel in my bag and put on a light, flowy, white, knee length swim suit cover up on. (even though I wasn't wearing a swim suit, just a tank top and shorts.) Everyone was downstairs watching TV so I left my bag in my room and went to sit with them until they went to bed (which was around 10. I had to watch 4 episodes of George Lopez. Not that I'm complaining.)

I faked yawned and went up the stairs that are in the living room then back down the stairs that lead into the kitchen, grabbing my bag on the way. I closed the screen door quietly behind me. I decided I couldn't risk anyone hearing the motor to the mule so I was just started running stealthily down the dirt path, the trees a canopy over head. The leaves were so thick I couldn't see any stars or even the moon, so I was running in complete darkness. In flip flops. I didn't fall (Thank God), although I stumbled a few times.

Once I made it to the dock, I threw my stuff down and stripped naked then slowly eased myself into the water. It was so cold, but in a good way.

The water caressed my naked flesh and caused me to shiver delightedly. My arms were covered in goose bumps. The moonlight lit up my normally tan skin and made it look milky pale. I let my hair down and relaxed onto my back. I loved skinny dipping. You can be totally free and happy without being embarrassed or worrying about what people think of you. I closed my eyes in temporary ecstasy. The water easily supported my slight frame. I took a breath and let myself sink under the surface of the water for a few seconds, fully enjoying myself, then re-surfaced and started floating on my back again. A small sigh escaped my lips.

I could stay here all night, just floating along…

"Having fun?" asked a low voice. My eyes snapped open and I shifted immediately so that I was fully concealed under the water. My heart was pounding and my mouth had gone dry. Fang was casually leaning against the slide, a small smile teasing at the corners of his lips.

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked, my voice an octave too high.

"Long enough." he replied, the smile coming full on now.

"Oh, God." my face was on fire with humiliation. He had seen me in a way no boy ever had before. I was a virgin, unlike my younger sister.

"Y-you saw? Everything? Were you spying on me?" I asked, my embarrassment turning to rage.

"I wasn't spying on you. I was coming to swim. Fully-clothed, I might add." he gestured to his swimming trunks. Well, not necessarily _fully _clothed. He wasn't wearing a shirt. The moonlight glinted off his nicely toned chest and abs.

"I need to get out. Turn around."

"Fine, even though I just saw everything, so it's not like it matters." he muttered. I yanked myself up onto the dock and quickly wrapped myself in a towel. Then, I whacked him in the back of the head.

"Ow!" he protested.

"That was for the comment you just made. And that," I smacked his chest "was for not telling me you were there earlier." I let an angry breath escape my lips, then whirled around and grabbed my bag.

"Max?" Fang called after me as I started to stalk away.

"What?" I snapped, not turning around.

"I'm sorry. I really am." I did turn around now. He looked sorry, all traces of his earlier laughter were gone.

"Yeah, whatever." my pride was hurt. I couldn't forgive him that easily. I turned around and started to walk away again.

"Max?"

"What?" I asked, feeling annoyed now. I spun around to face him once more.

"I just wanted to tell you that…I think you're beautiful." he said quietly then blushed and looked away

"T-thank you, Fang." I whispered just loud enough for him to hear me then turned and ran away as fast as I could.

I got back to my house and ran up to my room. I bit my lip and smiled.

He thought I was beautiful? I fell into bed and went to sleep that night, still smiling.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Hey, this will be the last update for a while. My computer has a virus, so we're going to have to get it fixed. So sorry. Stupid spam mail…**

_He thought I was beautiful? I fell into bed and went to sleep that night, still smiling._

**Chapter 4**

**News**

Saturday, March 15th

Dear Diary,

Well, the bruises are still there, dark and ugly as ever. My mom scheduled a doctor's appointment for Monday. I'm not sure what to expect. Probably needles.

Needless to say I'm not looking forward to it…

Nothing very exciting has happened today. Me and Fang have been avoiding each other.

"Hey Max," Nudge said, coming into my room. We were going swimming today and she was spending the night tonight.

"Hey. What's up?"

"Why don't you tell me?"

"What?"

"What's up with you and Fang?" Damn, I should've seen that coming. Nudge loves to gossip, so I'm sure the whole gang has been talking about Fang and I behind our backs.

"Nothing."

"Whatever. Something happened. What?"

"Promise not to tell?"

"Of course. I'll take it to the grave." Which means everybody will know by tomorrow. Her eyes were widened innocently.

"Ok, well Wednesday I went skinny dipping," she doesn't care, she does it too "and I was just floating on my back and…he saw me."

"He like, _saw _you saw you?" she gasped. I nodded.

"In all my glory. And then, as if that wasn't bad enough, he said he was sorry and then he said he thought I was beautiful. I just about fell over in shock."

"What'd you say?"

"I said thanks, than ran away. But now every time he looks at me or catches my eye, we both blush and look away really fast." I sighed and flopped back onto my pillows. It was so awkward around him now. And I still really liked him. Crap.

Nudge ran her fingers through my hair sympathetically. I flung an arm over my eyes and resisted the urge to scream. Every time I thought about how his face looked when I looked up at him on Wednesday my stomach flipped and my breath caught in my throat.

"Let's go down to the dock and swim a while, ok? Then we can watch a movie and do each other's nails. Ok?" Nudge smiled then grabbed my hands and hauled me to my feet. We put our bathing suits on (I wore a one piece that I had to wear at my lifeguard job during the summer so that if we saw Fang at the Lake, I would be completely covered.) and went down to the dock and swam a while.

Nothing else happened that night. Nothing worth documenting anyways.

So, I'll write again after the appointment Monday. Bye then, I guess.

Monday, March 17th

Dear Diary,

So, I went to the doctor today. They drew (a lot) of blood and said they'd get back to me tomorrow about the results. I like, literally passed out when I saw the scarlet tube snaking out of my arm. We went to lunch afterwards though. And I got to drink a lot of juice. I like juice.

I'm kind of scared. I mean, what if something bad shows up? What then? Hopefully it's something that can be easily fixed. But I can't help but doubt.

Anyways, got to go. I can hear the bus as I'm writing this at 7:30 am. I'll write tomorrow.

Tuesday, March 18th

Dear Diary,

Oh my God. Oh My God. OH MY GOD! This isn't happening. This can't be happening. I can't even say it out loud right now. I just…I have to go before this page is full of tears. Or gets torn out.

Wednesday, March 19th

Dear Diary,

Here's what happened yesterday:

"Ok, so ready to go?" my mother asked as I shoved my back pack into the car and jumped into the front seat. Pros and Cons of Doctor's appointments: Missing School-PRO; Possibility of more needles: CON

"Sure I guess." I muttered tiredly. I just got out of math, where I had been sleeping. We drove in silence. That's what I love about my mother: she knows when I just don't want to talk. And right now, I was feeling very anti-social.

She parked the car and gets out, leaving me sitting alone. I'm panicking, and I'm anxious. I'm scared.

"You coming?" Mom asked, opening my door for me. I looked at her and nodded, then jumped out of the car and headed towards the hospital.

We checked into the waiting room and well, waited. I read magazines and texted my friends, excluding Fang. We still weren't talking much.

"Dr. Valencia Martinez and Maximum Martinez?" said a kind-looking nurse with a clipboard and puppies on her nursing scrubs.

"Come on baby." mom whispered and grabbed my hand to pull me up, 'cause I had frozen to my seat. I reluctantly rose to my feet and shuffled slowly after her. The nurse led us to Dr. Morgan's (my pediatrician. Yeah, I know I'm too old for one, but we like him too much to let him go.) and sat down, me on the examination table and my mom on one of the soft teal chairs.

"Hello there Max. Dr. Martinez." Dr. Morgan said shaking our hands.

"Ok, so we got your blood tests back Max. I'm going to step out into the hall and speak with your mother real quick, then come back and tell you the results, ok?" he smiled and patted my knee, then left the room with my mom. I leaned over so that my stomach was pressing into my knees. I gripped the edge of the table I was sitting on so hard my knuckles turned white. My blond hair fell in a curtain over my face, shielding me from the harsh florescent lights overhead. I had straightened it today, so it was a smooth waterfall of blond all the way down my back.

The door opened and my Mom and Dr. Morgan came back in. My Mom had that look on her face like she was trying not to cry. Her eyes were too wide, her smile too wobbly.

I think that's when I knew that something was going horribly wrong.

"Ok, well Max. I have good news and I have bad news. Which do you want first?" Dr. Morgan asked, all business.

"Bad." I whispered.

" I'm afraid you have leukemia, a cancer of the blood. .Basically there has been has been a distortion of your blood cells. So, between the red cells and white, something's not right. But we're going to take care of you. Don't worry sweetheart. The good news is that this new mix of chemicals is the best yet. 6 out of 10 chance the cancer won't come back." He said a lot more after that, but I tuned out. Cancer? What? Does not compute. Does. Not. COMPUTE.

I jumped off the table. The doctor and my mom both looked at me with startled expressions.

"This isn't happening. You're lying!" I yelled. I covered my eyes with my hands and broke out into sobs. My mom wrapped me into a hug and held me close. I rested my head on her shoulder for a second then pushed her away and took off out the door and down the hallway. I heard her calling after me, but I just kept running.

I bypassed the elevators and went straight for the stairs. I ran down 2 floors so that I was on the 2nd floor. The maternity floor. I ran to the little window where you can see the babies. I pressed my nose to the glass, huffing and puffing from exertion. I saw one little baby hooked up to all sorts of monitors and IV's. Tears were poring down my face in miniature little streams.

"Hey there little baby. Hi." I sniffed "I'm sorry. You'll get better. You will."

"Excuse me ma'am, can I help you?" asked a short, red headed nurse sweetly.

"No. No I'm ok." I said, then sniffed and wiped my eyes. I turned and ran quickly down the hall to the elevators and rode down to the ground floor, then walked out to the parking lot where I then sat on the bumper of the car crying my eyes out some more.

I don't want to die. I really don't. And cancer means that I might. And it means chemo therapy. Which means throwing up and sickness and my hair will fall out. Oh, God, I'm so scared. I pulled out my phone and dialed Nudge's number. She didn't pick up, even though it was her free period. The only other person who has one now is Fang. I need to get out of here, and I'm desperate so…

"Hello?" I let out a breath I didn't even know I had been holding.

"Fang?" my voice cracked pathetically.

"What's wrong? Are you ok?" he asked worriedly. All awkwardness was gone in that moment.

"Can you come get me? I'm at the McDonald's across the street from the hospital." I said, walking towards it now.

"Yeah, I'll be there in 5 minutes." click. He was gone. I sat down at a table inside and rested my head in my hands. I was still crying, but not really like _crying_ it was more like tears were just coming out, but I wasn't making any noise. I saw Fang's truck pull into the parking lot, so I swiped under my eyes and was dismayed to see that my tears were stained black from my mascara. Then I realized I didn't really care.

"Max?" Fang got out of the truck and ran over to where I was standing by the door. I felt my face crumple at the sight of him and I was sobbing again. He came to a stop in front of me and cupped my face in his big hands.

"Hey what happened?" he asked.

"I-I-I-I h-have-" I couldn't even finished. He grabbed me and pulled me into his arms. I cried again. My world is falling apart.

"Shhh, it's fine. It's ok. You're going to be fine." he whispered into my hair as he stroked it softly. Oh god, how long will I have my hair? Jesus.

"I have cancer!" I finally choked out. "Leukemia." His hand froze on my hair. I burrowed my head deeper in his chest.

"You'll be ok." he said firmly. "Come on, I'll take you home." he walked me to the car with one arm cupping protectively around my shoulders.

And that's about it. I start chemo next Monday. I'm afraid. Extremely afraid.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N I don't know how long the periods in between chemo are, but I'm just going to say that Max's are every 2 weeks, ok? You don't like? Too damn bad. You want it different you, write it your own way. Ok, thanks :D**

**Chapter 5**

**Chemo Therapy**

Monday, March 24th

Dear Diary,

First round of chemo is today. Missing school for it. Not as exciting as you would think.

"Let's go Max!" My mom called up the stairs. Nudge and Iggy and Fang are all going too. Ella would be going, but she has a major exam today so she had to go to school.

I slipped a sweatshirt over my head and walked down the stairs. Everyone was waiting with big, fake smiles plastered on their faces. Except Fang. He was just sitting there, a pained look on his face. Like he didn't want to be here, didn't want any of us to be here. Didn't want us to be going through this together.

But we were. And nothing can be done about it now except beat the shit out of this thing. At least that's what my mom said. My step-dad hasn't had much to say, but he's been totally supportive.

"Let's go guys." I said, then walked out without looking at anyone. I got into the car and waited. They all followed a few minutes later.

The ride there was sugar-sweet and Barbie doll fake. Everyone was talking about anything and everything besides the hospital and my cancer and chemo.

"Guys." I said, interrupting their fake laughter. "Just stop. I don't want you guys to pretend. It's not going to make it any easier. So just…don't." I turned and stared out the window. The only one who wasn't being fake at all was Fang, and for that I loved him.

But you already knew that.

The rest of the ride there was silent. When we got there, we were led to a room that had the fluids already hooked up. I swallowed convulsively as the nurse inserted the needle into my wrist. My mother gripped my shoulder.

"Ok, so you can do whatever you want in here you guys. Whenever that bag is empty, press the 'call nurse button' and we'll come unhook you." The nurse smiled and walked out of the room, closing the door gently behind him.

"Ok, so I'm hungry and I'm going down to grab something to eat. Anyone want to come with?" My mom asked. Nudge jumped up and was followed by Iggy.

I think they just wanted to be out of here. Fang stayed though.

"You guys go, I'm ok right now." he smiled and they left. I turned the TV on and tossed him the remote. He caught it easily, then dragged a chair over so that he was right next to my bed.

"So what do you want to do?" he asked. I smiled my first genuine smile all day.

"You can watch whatever. I brought some magazines to read." I said, patting my bag. He laughed and shook his head.

"Such a girl." he muttered, turning it to sports center.

"Such a boy." I countered and we laughed. How is it that I can be sitting here for my first chemo session and _laugh_? I guess it's just Fang.

"Fang?" I asked, sober now.

"Yeah?" he said, not even turning away from the TV.

"I'm scared." I whispered. He turned and looked at me for a second then said the most honest thing anyone could have said to me just then.

"Me too." Then he sat on my bed and held me while I cried (once again).

"Uh oh." I said after I had calmed down a little bit. Chemo therapy is very harsh drugs, poison really, designed to attack the source of the cancer and destroy it. That comes with side effects.

Like vomiting.

"It's ok. You're ok. No, I'm not leaving." Fang protested as I tried to shove him away from me and my grossness. I was upchucking into a (clean) bed pan. After I was done he brought my a glass of water and a cold rag to clean up with.

"Thanks." I sighed tiredly, then leaned back and rested my head on his shoulder. He was holding me again because I was shaking now, even with two blankets around me. I closed my eyes and fell asleep, not awakening until the nurse came to unhook me.

Wednesday, March 26th

Dear Diary,

Well, I've felt like shit since Monday. And I have to do this every 2 weeks now since apparently this is a new type of treatment. They give you a lot less of the drugs, but they give it to you more often. The drugs are really strong too. My doctor said that my hair will probably fall out within the next month. I actually started to cry about that, believe it or not. It's such a material type thing to worry about when I have cancer, you know? But whatever. They said I can go to school as long as wear a surgical mask and wash my hands a lot and use Germ-X really often.

I went down to the dock today (with my mask on of course) and sat at the top of the slide and cried. I never cry this much. I guess the fact that you could possibly die messes with your emotions sometimes though. Whatever. I'm being called for dinner. I'll write Monday.

Monday, April 7th

Dear Diary,

Second round of chemo went ok today. I only threw up twice. Just Nudge and my Mom went though. They can't all go every time because the teachers and their parents wont allow it, but it's ok. Today we just all talked about girl stuff. I managed not to cry.

I've lost a lot of weight since last Monday. Like, 10 pounds. The chemo makes me feel so sick all the time that I just don't want to eat. And I'm always cold. I hate this. What did I ever do to deserve this?

Me and the Gang are going ice skating this week. I'm super excited. I'm not really excited a lot anymore, so this is a good thing. I just have to make sure I keep my hands clean and like, not touch anything. My doctors are really worried about infections right now.

Saturday, April 12th

Dear Diary,

We went ice skating today and it was so much fun. Getting out of the house and around people was almost too amazing. I felt kind of pathetic and then I was just like, oh well who cares! Fang skated next to me the whole time. Like, to make sure I didn't fall. I did, but he caught me. It was quite funny.

"So Max." he said, skating slowly.

"So Fang." I shot back.

"I don't want to be rude, but what does it feel like? Having cancer, I mean."

"Like…you're entire world is sort of balanced precariously on the edge of the Grand Canyon, and the wind is blowing really hard." I answered. I looked up from my skates to measure his reaction. Which was a bad idea because I immediately tripped over my feet.

Fang's arms shot out and grabbed me before I could fall flat on my face.

"Whoa there, blondie." he laughed.

"Speaking of blond, did you know that the doctor said my hair will probably fall out in like, a month? He said it just like that. I cried."

"What an asshole. It's a shame, 'cause you're hair is so beautiful. But you're face is too, so it's ok." He looked down at me and stopped skating. He cupped my face in his hands, lifted off my mask, and was bending down to…I don't know. And probably never will because Nudge barged in and started talking without even noticing that she had cut in on what was probably the most important moment of my short sixteen-year-old life! I mean, I loved this guy.

Grr…

Monday, April 7th

Dear Diary,

Chemo went good. That's all I have to say.

Thursday April 10th

Dear Diary,

Something horrible happened this morning.

_*beep~beep~bee_-*

I reached out my arm and pushed the off button on my alarm clock. I threw off my blankets and swung my legs over the side of the bed and stretched. Then, for some reason, I looked at my pillow. And saw that it was covered in hair. My soft, honey blond curls. I reached and pressed a hand to my mouth to squelch my shrieks but was unsuccessful.

"OH MY GOD! MOM!" I sobbed. I heard banging and cursing and my bedroom door was thrown wide open. My mother stood there in her robe and took in the sight of me gathering all of the hair into my arms and sobbing. She sat on the edge of my bed, gently pulled the hair-covered pillow away from me, then grabbed me in her arms and held on tight until my sobs were reduced into hiccups and then finally even those went away.

"It's going to be ok. We can get a wig, ok? One that looks just like your hair. We'll even get the kind that's made of real hair, everything's going to be just fine." she murmured into my hair and rocked me back and forth. I pulled away and nodded. Then, I stood and strode into my mother's bathroom.

The mirror held the sickening picture I was afraid of seeing. If all of the hair had been gone, I think I would've felt better. But, no, there were still patches of it on my scalp. It was like God was teasing me.

I reached out and gently touched my reflection in the ornately framed mirror, then knelt down and dug around in the cabinets under the sink until I found what I was looking for: my step dad's electric razor.

To be honest with you, I had no idea how to use it. But, it couldn't be that hard. So I flipped it on and ran it over my head until the hair was all gone. I cleaned up after myself, then went to bury myself in my blankets and pillows and cry myself back to sleep. There was no freaking way I was going to school like this.

My mother came in and sat with me for a while. We didn't say much, she just rubbed my back and brought me soup.

I know one thing: it can only get worse form here, right?


	6. Important Author's Note!

**A/N Ok, so I know that I have been sorely lacking in updates. I apologize a thousand times over for that. But there is a reason. It might not be a good one, BUT THERE IS STILL A REASON! *cough* sorry about that. But there really is a reason.**

**I have been working on an original book. Hopefully. Maybe. Ok, so it's unlikely that I will be published, but a girl can dream right? **

**Anyways, that's why the stories haven't been updated, and when they are the chapters usually aren't very good. But I have been working very hard on this plot line. It's unlike anything I've ever done before. Once I get the whole story line worked out, I will post the summary on here. Maybe you guys could give your opinions? **


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N I'M BAAAACK! And I am so extremely sorry that's been a year since this story was updated with an actual chapter, not just an author's note. I've been so busy and side tracked lately (WITH MY NOVEL!) that finding time to write anything else has been super hard. But here I am now, with an update and my deepest apologies! And a special treat at the end of the chapter!**

**The synopsis and prologue to my book, **_**What Happened Then**_**.**

**Enjoy this loooong awaited chapter! Thanks, and love you all who have stuck with my inconsistent updates up until now! You guys rock!**

**By the way, the format of this chapter, and the chapters from here on out, are going to be formatted differently. Max's diary entries will be in italics, scattered through the chapter. But then the rest will be in regular format, like the rest of my stories. And I know in chapter one I said Angel was my sister, but that's changed. She's now Max's age, and goes to high school with the rest of the gang. **

**Chapter 5**

**Going Back**

_Dear Diary, _

_It's been almost two weeks since my hair catastrophe. My mother thinks it might be time for me to return to school and, quite frankly, I think she's right. I need to face the world, with or without my hair. _

_But it's going to be hard. My hair is part of who I am. It was what made me healthy. Now, all I have is my pale scalp. It's horrible to look at. People see me and all they see is the sick me. Not who I really am. _

_So today I woke up and knew it was time to get out of my bed, no matter how hard it's going to be. _

_I'm not stupid. I know people are going to laugh. I know I'm going to get made fun of. But I've decided that I'm going to get out in the world before the chemo makes me too weak to do anything. _

_My mom's calling me for breakfast that I'm probably not going to be able to eat. More later, Diary._

_~Max_

I threw my pen and diary down on the bed and grabbed the purple hat Nudge had knit for me. She'd learned how to knit just so she could make it for me. She's really an amazing friend.

My mom called my name again, louder, and I sighed, frustrated and nervous.

A small knock on my door made me jump. I opened it and found Ella standing behind it, both hands on her round belly.

"Mom wants to know if you're coming. It's breakfast time.

"Yes, God. Give me a second," I snapped. She took a step away from me, like my quick temper had physically hurt her, and frowned.

"Don't shoot the messenger, Max." She turned and stalked away. Well…more like waddled away in an angry manner.

I sighed again and mentally smacked myself. I was always moody and ill-tempered. I think it's another side-effect of the treatments. I shoved the hat in my hands onto my bald head and stomped down the stairs.

I stormed past my mother, step-dad, and Ella at the breakfast table and got into the car. The ride to school was silent.

I got out of the car, ignoring my mother's goodbye, and walked up the steps into my high school. I saw a little group of people off to the side. Fang, Nudge, Iggy, and Angel were there, waiting for me. I smiled, my foul mood temporarily forgotten, and let go of a breath I didn't realize I was holding. I didn't have to face the first day alone. Thank you, God.

I shifted my bag onto a more comfortable position on my shoulder and pulled my hat further down onto my head, then grabbed Fang's outstretched hand, Nudge's offered elbow, and sank into the comfort of Iggy's hand on my shoulder.

Whispering, all around me like the wind rustling fall leaves. I gripped my binder to me harder and kept walking. They're not talking about me, they're not talking about me, _they're_ _not talking about me. _

Fang and Iggy said goodbye, and walked off to their first period. Nudge and I kept walking. We had math first together. She wanted to stop at the bathroom, but told me to keep on walking.

I was so close, _so close, _to the safety of my math room (whoa, that's never a sentence I'd ever thought I'd say…) when the first dramatic event of the day struck. My purple beanie was yanked from my head by some skanky cheerleader.

"Nice hairstyle, freak. Really suits you," she sneered, tossing her own black waves over her shoulder and snapping her gum. I felt bare, naked, without my hat. I was exposed and worse, she was making fun of me for it. I felt a blush rise deep in my chest and spread to my face.

"Just give it back," I muttered to the floor, refusing to meet her cold, cat-like eyes.

"Hmm…nope! I don't think I will." She pasted a sugary smile on her face, all of her teeth bared and ready to bite my head off. She held my hat out of reach and her groupies laughed nasally.

I saw Nudge come out of the bathroom, her face burning with rage. She went right up to Ms. Bitch and shoved her. Hard. So hard, in fact, that she fell back onto her skinny, skanky ass. Then Nudge, with her look of murderous fury still firmly in place, snatched the hat right out of the cheerleader's perfectly manicured talons.

"You think it's funny to make fun of a sick girl? She has _cancer_, you _bitch!_ _Grow up!_" Nudge spat, loud enough for the entire hallway of on-lookers to hear. It grew very quiet. Nudge turned to me, ignoring all the nosy people, and placed the hat very gently onto my pale head and fixed it so that it wasn't covering my eyes. Prissy was still on the floor, looking pissed and slightly mortified.

"Thanks," I murmured faintly.

"Anytime, babe." She smiled and linked her arm with mine and led us out the nearest exit door.

Once we were outside, she pulled out her phone and started tapping on it furiously.

"I'm texting Angel," she said, answering my unasked question. She finished clacking, pocketed the phone, and led me to her parked car.

"We're skipping school. It's a Friday anyways," she said, shrugging. She slid into the driver's seat started the engine. I put my back pack into the back seat and got in too, letting the air conditioner blow through my…

Scalp.

Tears sprang to my eyes and Nudge looked up from her phone, startles at the sound of my sniffling.

"Babe, don't let her get to you. She's just some bitch who's so absorbed in looks she'll peak in high school, and end up working the streets because she never got an education."

"She has hair. I have nothing."

She rolled down her window and waved at Angel's approaching form. She ran over and opened the back seat, got in, and slammed the door behind her.

"Where are we going?" I asked and Nudge peeled out of the parking lot. My eyes felt hot from tears, and my nose was slightly stuffy.

"The mall. There's a store there that I want you to check out."

"Are you talking about-"Angel started, but Nudge shushed her.

"She'll see when we get there."

"Oh, Nudge…I love you. Thank you so much." I stood in awe in front of a store in the mall. Inside, there were wigs galore. Short wigs, long wigs, purple, green, and red wigs.

"Come on, let's go crazy. It's on me," Angel laughed.

"Hey, me too!" Nudge said.

I felt tears gather in my eyes again. Until my real-hair wig could be found, made, and shipped, I could have a variety to choose from.

I tried on several different styles, and narrowed it down to six. I was going to buy maybe four.

"Okay, guys," I started "The curly red one, the long black one, or the brown with the bangs?"

Nudge looked at me, her head cocked to the side, and thought about it. Angel immediately pointed at the one I hadn't even suggested, the one that was long and blonde. Like my real hair.

"I personally like the brown one. I'll pay for it," Nudge said with a smile.

"And I like the blonde. So I have that one covered," Angel added.

"Then I'll get the red. I have a fun idea for that one…" I said. Fang was always a sucker for redheads. Hmm…

We paid for the wigs, then grabbed lunch in the food court.

I was sitting in a creaky plastic chair, surrounded by screaming children on the indoor playground, while Angel and Nudge talked about some guy getting into a fight today during first period, right before Angel left. I was eating gray pork with noodles, and trying to keep it down, when a little girl caught my eye.

She was walking with her mother right by our table, staring at me. I heard her ask "Mommy, where's that girl's hair?"

My face flamed and I dropped my fork on top of my disgusting lunch, unable to force anymore down. Angel reached across the table and gripped my hand. Nudge looked at the little girl like she was thinking of beating her up.

"I'm so sorry," her mother said. Her eyes told me she really was, and she turned to usher her daughter off, but I grabbed her coat tail.

"Wait."

I had a sudden burst of courage. That little girl wasn't being purposefully hurtful. She was actually curious; she really didn't know why I had no hair, and that perplexed her. I stood from my chair and crouched down to her level. Her curly brown hair reached just above her shoulders and was covered by a large, pink sunhat, and her bright blue eyes were wide and innocent as they bore into mine.

"I got very sick a month ago. And the medicine I take made my hair fall out. That's why my head is bald."

I took off my beanie and showed her. Her eyes got wide and concerned, and she tentatively reached out and stroked it. Her fat little fingers were soft and gentle against my skin. I smiled at her, and she grinned shyly back.

"I'm sorry you're sick," she whispered.

"It's okay, because I'm going to be better soon."

I stood back up and smiled down at her again.

"Thank you for not getting angry with her. She's always asking questions about everything…" her mother murmured, biting her red lips.

"It's fine. She's little…she didn't know any better."

I sat down and picked up my fork. Angel sent me a reassuring smile, and Nudge nodded approvingly.

I felt a tug on my shirt, and looked back at the little girl. Her hair was fuzzy from her hat, which she was now holding in her hands. She smiled shyly again and held the hat out to me.

"So that no one else with ask you where your hair is," she said in that sweet voice of her's. I took the hat and smiled gently. Tears filled my eyes again, but this time it was from joy.

"Thank you, so much." I leaned down and gave her a hug. Her small arms went around my neck and she squeezed me tight.

"I hope you get better," she said.

"Me too," I murmured into her hair.

After they walked off, I let the tears spill over my cheeks and drip off my chin onto my plate. Nudge and Angel both smiled at me.

"That was so great of you, Max," Angel said.

"Thanks," I replied.

"That little girl was so…inspiring. She didn't even know you and she wanted to make you feel better." Nudge shook her head and stared into her plate of greasy pizza.

We were all lost in thought. I placed the sun hat on my head and thought about how, for every bad thing or person in the world, there was at least one good thing that could shine through the hate and the sadness. That little girl was one of those things.

Something to think about, you know? 

**A/N **

**Okay, here it is! As I promised above! **

**Synopsis-**

"**Emily Dawson is playing a very dangerous game. She has gotten herself involved in a gamble in which she could lose everything that she has come to know: her friends, her family, or even her life.**

**After just getting home from a year-long absence, Emily knows that reuniting with her family and friends isn't going to be easy. Already she can't close her eyes without seeing Amanda's face. Of course, it doesn't help that her flyers are plastered to anything with a flat surface. But the hardest part is that Emily knows where the missing girl is- the one everyone has been looking for since last winter- and that single secret could cost her everything. **

**And the cause for all of her deceitful lying comes down to one, cowardly reason: she's scared. She's scared of being hated, scared of being seen as a monster. But most of all, she's scared of what Amanda's boyfriend will do to her if she tells. **

**But the guilt of not telling is almost eating Emily alive, especially when she starts having feelings for Amanda's older brother. How is she supposed to look into those gray eyes that she has come to love and know that she can never tell him the one thing he wants to know?"**

**And the prologue…well, I'll post the prologue in a different chapter, because it would make this one too long. **

**Sorry it was so short! But 'm tired, and at least it's **_**something…**_


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N I'm a terrible person! I know! Blurgh! This chapter's going to be kind of random. I have the ending written, and I don't know exactly how to fill in the middle, so this might end a bit earlier than I'd earlier planned. **

_Drip...drip...drip..._

I stared at my paper in horror, my hand going to my nose. I shriek when it comes away scarlet. My heart starts to pound in terror. Now what was wrong with me?

"Mom?" I yelled. Bright red blood was dripping onto my math homework from my nose. "_Mom!'_

"What is it? What's wrong?" she asked, bursting into my room, huffing and puffing from running up the stairs.

I stood up from my desk, holding my head forward. "Mom?" My voice was panicked, rising in pitch by the second. "What's happening?"

"I-I don't know. It shouldn't just be running like that. Ella! Call Dr. Morgan!" Mom ran out of the room and came back a split second later with a wad a toilet paper and the house phone. "I couldn't find Ella."

She dialed the phone and held the toilet paper to my nose at the same time. The blood trickled into my mouth before she could catch it, and I gagged at the taste. She looked at me in alarm and scrambled to grab my trashcan under the desk, shoving it under my head just in time to catch the scarlet vomit.

"_Shit,_" she hissed, and dialed faster. She began to talk frantically into the speaker, stopping and nodding every few seconds. I spit into the trashcan and coughed thickly, moaning at the pain in my chest that's slowly spreading everywhere in my body.

"Mom?" I breathed, feeling my head grow lighter. I fell out of the chair and curled in on myself, cradling my head between my hands.

"Oh my God, Max! Oh my God!" The phone fell out of her hand, breaking apart as it hit the hardwood.

"Mrs. Martinez?" I heard a deep voice ask. My eyes shut on their own, and I struggled to stay conscious. "What happened?"

"Fang, thank God you're here. Help me get her into the car. We need to get her to the emergency room, now."

I'm lifted, cradled like a small child, and moved swiftly down the stairs. "I'll sit in the back with her. Just drive quickly," Fang said. He was the one carrying me- I recognized his shampoo smell.

I moaned again as he settled me in across the back seat, my head in his lap.

"Shh, Max, it's okay. You're fine. You're going to be absolutely fine, okay? Just please stay with me." I felt the soft fabric of his hoodie under my lips and nose as he wiped the sticky blood away from my face.

I faded in and out on the way to the hospital but, thankfully, didn't vomit again. The blood continued to trickle from my nose, but Fang held his sleeve there to keep it from getting in my mouth. Every bump, every little rock we hit sent another rush of blood from my nose.

"Come on, carry her. We need to get her in to see someone like, now."

I let myself go somewhere else, and faded into swirling darkness.

* * *

"Max? Are you awake?"

I fluttered my eyelids open slowly. There was a clear tube shoved into my open mouth, slithered down my sore throat. I could only get my eyes halfway open; I was too exhausted to get them any further. My chest rose and fell with artificial breath. The tube taped under nose itched something awful, but my hands weighed a hundred tons each. The paper thin hospital gown did nothing to keep me warm, and the scratchy blanket didn't help either.

Fang was sitting on my right, my mother on my left, and the rest of the gang standing at the foot of the bed.

"Oh, God, we didn't think you were going to wake up," Nudge said, tears streaking down her face.

I blinked, my eye threatening to remain closed, and jolted up again. My mom's hands on my shoulders soothed me and I relaxed back into the lumpy mattress.

"Get some rest honey. I'll be back in a little while, and we can talk then." She ran a finger over my right cheekbone, and I flinched. There must be a bruise there, from when I fell. I nodded slowly, swallowing around the tube and trying not to gag. My mom kissed my forehead and stood, brushing at her eyes and clearing her throat.

"Come on, guys. I'll order a pizza." She fled from the room before anyone could respond. Nudge squeezed my toes through the covers and follows. Iggy and Gazzy both smile brokenly, Angel rubbed my arm, and Fang…Fang just stared at me brokenly before ducking through the doorframe and striding away quickly.

I stared at the ceiling, angry tears clouding my vision as I refused the urge to rip this breathing tube out of my throat and scream. _Why me, dammit? What the hell did I ever do to deserve this?_

I studied my hands intently. Blue water swam under the surface, pooling into dark bruises. The skin was dry, ugly. Sickly.

A sharp pain in my chest made me flinch. I pressed the 'Call Nurse' button, and tried to mime what I wanted when she showed up. Eventually, she understood and showed me the button for my morphine drip. I clicked it once and sighed when the pain leaked away from my limbs. I let myself slowly go to sleep, despite the fear of never waking up again.

**A/N So sorry it was so short, you guys. I've had a little writer's block, but I really just wanted to get a chapter up. It's pretty sucky, I know, but I hope it'll get better soon. Poor Maxie…**


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